If you read my previous post ("Another Post?!") you will see that I have been avoiding posting stuff. I thought when I wrote it that my lack of writing on this blog was a result of my active social and digital world/life[style]. I truly thought that I was just so absorbed in my book I just didn't have time.
You may also have noticed there has been an increasingly large gap between some of my posts, i.e. between "Flop" and "Freeze Frame", or "Freeze Frame" and "Another Post?!". That is a direct result of me deleting (yes, deleting) two posts I have recognized as unwarranted and unsolicited personal opinions that had no right making it onto the 'big page' (the home page, rather). And It was the guilt of writing and posting these and also taking them down that has dragged me into a pit of guilt, birthing the need to get away from my blog. Or rather, run straight from it. No more. Now I'm confronting it, as I should have in the beginning. And, as my first apology in the pleathera of apologies to follow in this post, I'm sorry.
While I'm proud of myself for the things I've written, there were two posts recently that I added, and in poor taste, I should add; one of which was politically based, and the other religiously/lgbtq-based. If you saw these blog-posts, you may know what I'm talking about. And if you saw these blog posts, I expect that you may be confused, angry, hurt, maybe all of the above. Maybe you felt none of that. Either way, no matter how you may or may not have felt, I am here to correct my very massive error/s. And if you haven't read them and this is the first time you're hearing of these posts, that is probably for the best, and yet I'm still sorry because whether you saw them or not, my mistakes should not be kept hidden, thus I encourage you to keep reading.
Now! Before I continue on, I want to say that I'm not sorry for taking the action to write either post. At the time they felt important to get out.
One I should mention I kept, adding it to a different but connected blog. The other I deleted entirely as it was rude, demeaning, and not in the least bit appropriate. But I would still like to say a few things about these two posts, and their unwarranted natures along with their very public exposures:
First off, I'm honestly sorry for putting these on such a prominent display as this is NOT what my blog is for- voicing loudly my own opinions on such a display one can't turn away from it. No. That is why I have a separate section for this type of thing. My home blog is for useful/entertainment purposes only. To peruse any outside links that I've found useful- and that are most STRICTLY writing based. I lost sight of that, and for that I'm sorry. I can't believe I lost myself and my writing necessities to my own perhaps personal "vendettas". Granted while this may not be an entirely accurate way of labeling these two posts, it is as accurate as I can get right now, and not entirely wrong, either. So, then, perhaps "vendetta" is the exact word I'm looking for.
On that note, the second part of my apology is this: my "political" post was just unwarranted. Reading it for a second time around, I found it to be rude, disruptive, and just plain callous, above many many other things. I had no right to rant in such an awful way, and I want anyone to know that if I've offended you, you were rightfully offended. It was not an even remotely decent so-called 'letter' that I put up and hate is NOT okay. ESPECIALLY not on such a site aiming to be professional. That is just plain wrong, and for so many reasons, reasons that I will hopefully be able to touch on in this single sitting. As a means of showing my condolences, I have taken down this 'letter' as I do NOT believe in posting such overt political statements. I don't want these to become direct reflections for my writing blog, thus I feel it is my duty to make things right- hence the removal of my poli-rant-letter. As for the other post, I wrote it specifically for a class and this made it available to all whom want to read it.
However! Despite all this I should note that I did not change my opinion of things- only my heart. I hope now it will come from a place of love and compassion (and yes, very obvious fear) than the awful, vile ranting it once was. It was inexcusable and I am truly, sincerely sorry. I do not want to lose my friends over something like politics, and I especially do NOT want people to feel as if I am turning them away. That is NOT okay! I love you all, honestly. Strangers, you are now my friends. Friends, you are now my family. And family, you are now my blood. It is that simple to me. I hope it can be the same for all of you as well. And you know who ya'll are.
Third: I want everyone to know that the personal log ("iLog #1") was NOT meant to offend any single person, and certainly not meant to target religion. It was meant to be a compare and contrast piece between two very and vastly different organizations. And while I haven't received any feed back yet (for either post, I should add), I still feel it important to say this now than before I have an influx of emails. Which I am more than welcome to receive, for better or for worse. I just wanted to make clear before the iLog post goes up again, this time as a separate entity of what my goals were (and still are).
Finally, I want to conclude this apology by making clear that I am not apologizing for what I think, or believe, or even how I feel about politics, or religion, and let's throw in just generic things to the list just in case. These are far too personal for me to shrug away and say "sorry" for. It would not be sincere, even so. Instead I am apologizing for how I have handled things on my blog- it was not well thought out in the slightest. In fact, both posts were completely reactionary- based solely on my raging thoughts and blind emotions at the time. I cannot promise it won't happen again (only because I am so awfully and disgustingly human and I make so many stupid errors it's ridiculous). But I promise with every fiber of my being that I am going to do everything in my power to avoid doing this in the future, and expect that if I slip, I will take drastic measures in correcting the issue. Even if that means going completely offline (like I said I was going to do in my poli-rant, and quite frankly I should have taken myself up on it).
Alas everyone, I am so sorry for being inappropriate, crass, and hurtful.
I truly love you all <3
Thank you, and with all sincerity-
p.s.: You can view the so-called "iLog post" if you so wish @http://ilogkeepers.blogspot.com/